Salvation From The Slump: 5 Steps To End Your Dating Drought

There?s nothing worse than being in a slump.

Or so they say.

I?ve been there, chances are you?ve been there, and I have a good friend who?s there right now. It?s affected just about every guy, and is the ultimate discouragement in our pursuit of women?if you let it be.

But for all its negative undertones, being in a slump doesn?t have to be the worst thing ever. There are actually benefits to taking a timeout from girls, and the sooner you see these benefits, the sooner you?ll actually get out of your drought and into the female zone you?re seeking.

The first step out of a slump is to:

#1. BELIEVE THAT YOU'LLG ET OUT OF THE SLUMP.
May be harder than it sounds, but believe me, it?s crucial to adopt that mindset. The guys who are quickest to get out of a drought are those who don?t throw a pity party for themselves, who don?t flee back to their ex?s in desperation, and who remain focused on the other parts of their life, the parts that will attract women to them in the first place: work, sports, friends, etc.

My friend Sal is in a slump for the first time in a while. He dated one girl for 5 full years, and now that he finally broke up with her, he doesn?t know what to do. It?s been about a month, which is a lot shorter time period than a lot of guys I know who have been through the same, and he?s already getting cranky, depressed, and tempted to go back to his girlfriend, despite the fact that he knows she?s not right for him.

But in situations like his, you have to:

#2. HOLD YOUR GROUND. Yeah, it blows being in a slump when it seems like no girl is into you. It?s frustrating as hell not getting any love or sex for a long stretch. But you know what? It?s also rewarding, which brings me to my next Slump Salvation tidbit:

STEP #3: Use the free time you have with no girlfriend or booty call to improve yourself.

Sal doesn?t seem to be doing this. He?s wasting lots of time going online, searching for girls he miiiiight be able to get a date with (I?m no believer in online dating), and groveling over how he can?t seem to get a girl, even when it seems like she?s interested in him. He?s giving women power over his life, making it seem like having one is the sole purpose in life, instead of empowering HIMSELF and going on living with a purpose that isn?t women-related.

As I?ve said so many times before, the funny thing about not looking for a girl is that THAT is when you are most likely to get one. So instead of wasting hours on end looking on MySpace or Lavalife or whatever other dating sites you may use, and beating yourself up for being single, get on with your life! Show women that you?re a fun guy, a man in control of his own destiny. The great thing about being single is that you have the time that you wouldn?te when you?re with a girl, to learn new things that generally impress girls: how to cook a great meal, enjoying sports and getting in shape, travelling wherever you want and opening up to new things in life.

A lot of guys stop learning, stop opening themselves up when they?re with a girl. They become complacent, oversatisfied, content that now that they?ve found a girlfriend or wife, as if they?ve reached the top of the mountain.

Nah. Doesn?t work that way. Having a woman is only one piece of the pie.

In fact, when you stop exploring life and committing yourself to new things, that?s when a girl often loses interest. She sees that her boyfriend or husband has settled down and has become boring. Things don?t change, when girls often like change and new things. And often, that?s exactly when a woman leaves a man.

The time you have alone is your time of preparation, of becoming an exciting person. I, for example, was definitely not ready 10 years ago for the relationships I have been in over the last five years. I used the time in my teens and early 20?s to build myself up and find out who I was and who I wanted to be. Since I took the time to find MYSELF, to build up my character and personality, it was no wonder that I was subsequently able to find girls, in return.

Next, STEP #4: If you?re in a drought, don?t think of it as a bad situation?see it as a good one.

You?ve already taken the time to read this column and sort some things out, and that?s an awesome start. Learn everything you can, do everything you have time to do. Remember that there?s probably a good reason you?re single right now; perhaps it was meant to be and it?s your chance to learn more about yourself and what it is you really love. Not every girl is made for every girl?there?s a special girl (or girls) out there just for you, but you have to build up your identity and purpose before you can find her.

Once you get a good understanding of your purpose in life and what you want to do with it, you?ll find that you enjoy things more. If your goal is to become a successful business owner who travels the world, use your free time now to determine how you?re going to achieve that goal, and go on doing it. Hunker down to build that business, and use your free time to see the world (you?ll probably meet a girl while travelling).

Which brings us to the final step, #5: KNOW YOUR LIFE PURPOSE.

I guarantee you that once you have a path, an understanding of what your life is about, girls will begin to enter your life. You?ll be having so much fun doing what moves you, what fills you up, that you won?t even be searching for women. But as I said before, that?s exactly when they show up.

So remember, believe that you?ll get out of the slump, use the time that the slump affords you with, and you?ll go from bust to boon in no time!

About the Author:

James Brito, bestselling author of How to Be Irresistible to Women, delves into secrets of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men worldwide find the women of their dreams. Get started today with his free six-part audio mini-course:
http://www.000relationships.com/towomen

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Desperate To Be a Wife Desperate Life

Gossip magazines are great for drama and suspense. But for true amusement, nothing quite entertains me like the ongoing saga of my Desperate-to-Be-a-Housewife English friend, Sally. I've come across Sally several times throughout my travels to the UK, and she's not a bad person. Friendly, generous, and looks-wise, not the worst I've ever seen. Getting a guy shouldn't be that hard for her, and with her warm personality, she's bound to find a nice guy with whom she can have a nice, long-term relationship. The big problem with her is: she's REALLY desperate! And no amount amount of friendly advice-giving seems to make her realize that with high expectations, come low results.

To be honest, the word desperate doesn't even cut it with Sally. She's at that post-30 phase of her life when she needs a MAN, and needs a man NOW! Get this: As a pretty religious person for most of her life, she had tried to remain a virgin until marriage. And up to that point, she had succeeded. But getting sick of waiting (she was approaching 30), Sally actually made an ultimatum to GOD, if you can believe it: deliver me my husband by New Year's Eve, or I swear I'll give up my body! Now, New Year's Eve being only about a MONTH AWAY at the time, this was a pretty unrealistic request.

Sure enough, the deadline came and went without a husband falling into her lap (imagine that!). Now Sally, once a model of purity and patience, is the most IMpatient, most reckless girl, most promiscuous girl around. She'll sleep with guys after knowing them for all of 10 minutes, hoping they'll be he one. She'd be at dinner with one guy, and text another in the middle of the conversation! And worst of all, she just keeps hopping on the Merry-Go-Round of men, with no merry end in sight. She EXPECTS to actively find the man of her dreams; to sniff him out, to hunt him down. Instead of being patient and letting things come as they are, she actually thinks that finding a husband involves sleeping with guy after guy, until the right one magically shows up.

But life doesn't work that way, does it? Especially for guys. We don't quite RESPOND so well to female desperation, do we?

Nope, the best things in life don't come when you're looking. They come when you're NOT looking, when your expectations are ZERO. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, my future wife didn't come to me when she or I was looking; we met, quite by accident, on a train in Berlin. At the time, Jen, like Sally, wanted to get married relatively soon. She could have been like her friend and pushed the issue, gone out and go hubbie hunting. But she knew that if she forced it upon me, or anyone else for that matter, I sure as hell wouldn't accede to it! So by being patient, and seeing what resulted in her life, she actually got what she wanted in the end. Patience pays.

But Sally doesn't have patience, and so she doesn't have positive results. We both try to help her out, to make her slow down and just enjoy life as it unfolds, but it never works. She breaks the rule that says that the less you push, the more you pull in. Sadly, all she's been pulling in is misery.

So if you're hoping for a great girlfriend, or a future wife, whose example do you want to follow? The patient, not-too-high expectations of my fiancee, or the gotta-have-it-now, unreasonable expectations example of Sally?

It's your choice. But remember, good things come to those who wait.

About the Author

James Brito, author of How to Be Irresistible to Women, makes it easy to attract and build honest relationships with the women you want. To receive your free 6-part audio mini-course, please visit:

http://www.000relationships.com/

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How to Fascinate a New Man

I recently read an article by a female writer who claims that it doesn't matter who a single woman is or what she does for a living. Once she dates a guy, she could be performing brain surgery, and she'll be preoccupied about when he's going to call.

Not surprisingly, this woman has not been able to sustain a love relationship. She recently published a book about how she's given up on men and will devote herself exclusively to her cats.

I suspect her lack of success with men is due to her belief that women are programmed to put their lives on hold until a man calls. But women who are lucky in love absolutely do not do this. They do not assume that a guy might be he one for them based on a single date-- or even on a series of dates.

Instead, they say four magic words to themselves: We'll see what happens. They go about their lives as usual. If the guy calls, great. If he doesn't, well, obviously he wasn't he one.

The best assumption you can make early in a relationship is that a guy is not the one for you. Act accordingly. This doesn't mean you're rude to him, play games, or deliberately not return his calls.
It does mean that you treat him as a potential friend.

You treat him as you would have him treat you, but you don't rearrange your life to hang out with him. You certainly don't break plans with your friends. If you find yourself wondering if or when he's going to call, take yourself to a movie. Go the the bookstore. Put the guy out of your mind until he's done something to deserve being in it.

The bonus? If you treat him as if he's not the one until he proves otherwise, you'll fascinate him. Men can smell desperation (the same way you can smell desperation), and it's a turn-off. A happy woman with a full life is devastatingly attractive.

Be that woman. Hold out for the wonderful man you deserve.

About the Author

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams. Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com

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